I don't smoke. Not even marijauna. I don't take prescription medication. Not even the anti-hypertensive which was prescribed. I like ibuprofen when I'm sore or crampy, and acetaminophen or aspirin when my head hurts. I like orange pekoe and pekoe cut black tea with lots of sugar. Iced tea which is the same thing only with ice. I like Diet Pepsi, it tastes like it has lots of sugar. Hot chocolate in the fall and winter, I like to make it myself with real milk and cocoa powder and lots of sugar on the stove top. Coffee, lots of sugar, only when I feel like I can't hold my eyes open, which happens less often now than it used to. Now that I don't live with a drunk. I never really liked alcohol much. I might find one or two drinks in a year, usually some girly drink with lots of sugar.
I haven't had anything alcoholic in over a year. I haven't had a cream horn in over a year. Cream horns, or whatever they are called, are a confection with no redeeming nutritional value whatsoever. They consist of white flour, vegetable shortening and lots of sugar. They have no flavor. They are just crisp-flaky, creamy-sweet. More an experience in texture than taste. I really like cream horns. When I was pregnant and my husband sent me to the store for beer, I would buy them and tell myself that I would have only one. They usually come in packages of six, on a styrofoam tray wrapped in plastic wrap in the deli near the doughnuts. I would hide them under the seat of the car. Then I would eat one....at a time... until all the evidence was consumed, and I would throw away the tray and the plastic wrap. My husband would drink all the beer and then tell me I was getting fat.
I drive to work with my windows down because the air does not work in the car. Old trailers are scattered along the two lane highway, in-between farm homes. At one point along the road, a stench wafts in. The stench of a drunk marinating in his own, stale, alcoholic urine. My husband drank himself to death at the age of 44. Sometimes he would stink like that. I want to throw-up for the next three miles.
When I get to work, my co-worker has brought in doughnuts. I choose one with lots of sugar.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
I Can Eat Anything I Want and Still Lose Weight.
Week 11: weight 187, 11 pounds down and 19 to go.
I am surprised by the my steady weight loss now! I weigh myself all the time but only record the Wednesday morning (naked on bathroom scale after urinating) weight. This is the only way I have found to not get discouraged by the water weight fluctuations we all experience throughout the day and week. Now that I am in a habit of exercise, I think that I have gained a metabolism momentum which should carry me to my goal in mid-August without too much fuss.
I also play a couple of self-talk games with my self. I repeat to myself. "I can eat anything I want and still lose weight." Funny, I find myself not wanting stale donuts. I also tell myself, "Exercise is fun, and makes me feel better." I look forward to going to the gym when I can.
On Tuesday I went to court and my divorce was granted. Of course, just like when I was married, I experienced a mixed bag of emotions, but mostly relief. I will just wait for the final decree. I still feel some obligation to my ex for my children's sake, and just because we were married for, officially, 18 years. (Oh that can't be right, did I really waste that much time?) Well, maybe not completely wasted. I did build a career, and raised children; though they tell me that their lives began after we ran away from their dad. Have I really not had sex in 2 years now? Thank goodness for Chris and an active fantasy life.
Oh dear, now maybe I've said too much!
It's a beautiful spring day today. Bless you all!
Sarah
I am surprised by the my steady weight loss now! I weigh myself all the time but only record the Wednesday morning (naked on bathroom scale after urinating) weight. This is the only way I have found to not get discouraged by the water weight fluctuations we all experience throughout the day and week. Now that I am in a habit of exercise, I think that I have gained a metabolism momentum which should carry me to my goal in mid-August without too much fuss.
I also play a couple of self-talk games with my self. I repeat to myself. "I can eat anything I want and still lose weight." Funny, I find myself not wanting stale donuts. I also tell myself, "Exercise is fun, and makes me feel better." I look forward to going to the gym when I can.
On Tuesday I went to court and my divorce was granted. Of course, just like when I was married, I experienced a mixed bag of emotions, but mostly relief. I will just wait for the final decree. I still feel some obligation to my ex for my children's sake, and just because we were married for, officially, 18 years. (Oh that can't be right, did I really waste that much time?) Well, maybe not completely wasted. I did build a career, and raised children; though they tell me that their lives began after we ran away from their dad. Have I really not had sex in 2 years now? Thank goodness for Chris and an active fantasy life.
Oh dear, now maybe I've said too much!
It's a beautiful spring day today. Bless you all!
Sarah
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Too Much Zumba
Week 10: weight 188. Ten pounds down and twenty to go.
I did three Zumba classes in two days along with yoga and weights. So I was feeling drained and almost sick last night. After taking kids to school and feeding pets this morning I skipped exercise and breakfast. I had lunch in bed.
I tried to sleep but couldn't and made some of the phone calls I had promised to make on my husband's behalf. I also received a phone call from the Vice Principal at the school. Yes, I knew the kids were behind on their assignments; and yes, their father is terminally ill.
I should try to find that card for that counselor who works with kids going through divorce. He led the class I had to take on helping children deal with family separation. He really was good. Not all counselors are.
We were in a store one day recently. My daughter whispers to me, "There's Beth. Her dad is dying too." "I know" I replied. HIPPA doesn't allow me to tell about how I saw him in the ER when they found the multiple malignant lesions in his lungs. I have a picture of my daughter and Beth playing together ten years ago when their dads were on a volunteer fire department together.
Sarah
I did three Zumba classes in two days along with yoga and weights. So I was feeling drained and almost sick last night. After taking kids to school and feeding pets this morning I skipped exercise and breakfast. I had lunch in bed.
I tried to sleep but couldn't and made some of the phone calls I had promised to make on my husband's behalf. I also received a phone call from the Vice Principal at the school. Yes, I knew the kids were behind on their assignments; and yes, their father is terminally ill.
I should try to find that card for that counselor who works with kids going through divorce. He led the class I had to take on helping children deal with family separation. He really was good. Not all counselors are.
We were in a store one day recently. My daughter whispers to me, "There's Beth. Her dad is dying too." "I know" I replied. HIPPA doesn't allow me to tell about how I saw him in the ER when they found the multiple malignant lesions in his lungs. I have a picture of my daughter and Beth playing together ten years ago when their dads were on a volunteer fire department together.
Sarah
Friday, March 19, 2010
Exercise and Sleep
Week 9: weight 189, 9 pounds down and 21 to go.
I've had the past two days off and slept most of both of them away. I've eaten too much, especially at work, but kept exercising like my sanity depended on it. I try not to think too much about the tragedy.
I need to clean my kitchen now. The floor needs mopping. I won't be able to get any housework done after the kids get home from school. We're going grocery shopping, after we exercise.
Sarah
I've had the past two days off and slept most of both of them away. I've eaten too much, especially at work, but kept exercising like my sanity depended on it. I try not to think too much about the tragedy.
I need to clean my kitchen now. The floor needs mopping. I won't be able to get any housework done after the kids get home from school. We're going grocery shopping, after we exercise.
Sarah
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
One joyous day
I actually wrote this February 24, but had some trouble posting because I lost battery power to my laptop.
I wanted to post it anyway, because it was such a good feeling, and one of my last carefree days for a while. As a mother, one rarely feels carefree. And after getting the news that my children's father has a terminal disease and a 6 month prognosis, pure joy will be in short supply. I did go to yoga today and tried not to let too many tears fall on my mat. Being separated and in the process of a divorce just makes coping that much harder on all of us. My soon to be ex-husband has been told he has end-stage liver disease, alcoholic cirrhosis. My healthy life should be called my crazy life. For now it may be all about my mental health.
Week 6,Wednesday, weight 190 pounds, 8 down, 22 to go.
It's been a month since I posted anything!? I've been up to my knees in snow drifts and up to my ears in puppies, which my brother found out in the open on New Years day. The nearly wild mother is young and inexperienced, so we brought them all into the house. I hate having animals in my house. I hate cleaning. The kids are happy.
I feel back in the swing of things with the exercise. I've been able to work out three days in a row. Even my son likes going to Zumba! Of course, I make plenty of time for helping him with his bench press. He's getting stronger! He can actually push the standard bar now. I'm getting stronger again too. I am back up to a 75 pound bench press, failed at 95. I have to laugh at myself having two small teenagers help me finish the lift.
I am trying not to worry too much about food right now, otherwise I get stressed over the stale donut I had at work, and eat even more crazy stuff. Today it was Zumba, then yoga and yogurt after that. Finally a chat with Chris. All things that make me feel happy and relaxed. I have had a great morning!
I hope you have a great day too!
Sarah
I wanted to post it anyway, because it was such a good feeling, and one of my last carefree days for a while. As a mother, one rarely feels carefree. And after getting the news that my children's father has a terminal disease and a 6 month prognosis, pure joy will be in short supply. I did go to yoga today and tried not to let too many tears fall on my mat. Being separated and in the process of a divorce just makes coping that much harder on all of us. My soon to be ex-husband has been told he has end-stage liver disease, alcoholic cirrhosis. My healthy life should be called my crazy life. For now it may be all about my mental health.
Week 6,Wednesday, weight 190 pounds, 8 down, 22 to go.
It's been a month since I posted anything!? I've been up to my knees in snow drifts and up to my ears in puppies, which my brother found out in the open on New Years day. The nearly wild mother is young and inexperienced, so we brought them all into the house. I hate having animals in my house. I hate cleaning. The kids are happy.
I feel back in the swing of things with the exercise. I've been able to work out three days in a row. Even my son likes going to Zumba! Of course, I make plenty of time for helping him with his bench press. He's getting stronger! He can actually push the standard bar now. I'm getting stronger again too. I am back up to a 75 pound bench press, failed at 95. I have to laugh at myself having two small teenagers help me finish the lift.
I am trying not to worry too much about food right now, otherwise I get stressed over the stale donut I had at work, and eat even more crazy stuff. Today it was Zumba, then yoga and yogurt after that. Finally a chat with Chris. All things that make me feel happy and relaxed. I have had a great morning!
I hope you have a great day too!
Sarah
Friday, January 22, 2010
Namaste
Week 2, Day 1, Weight 195 pounds, 3 down, 27 to go.
Yoga was great this morning, I really like yoga. It feels like a luxury. My first memories of exercising on purpose were getting down on the floor in front of the television with my mother and watching the lady with the waist-length braid and a large yellow cardboard sun behind her demonstrate "cat" "dog" and various other poses.
I was probably 4 or 5 years old. I remember my sister being born when I was 5, but I do not remember much about her being pregnant. What a forward-thinking 40 year old mother of eight she was to be doing yoga with her preschoolers on the living room floor in 1976!
I guess that's why yoga feels so much like a luxury. I reminds me of a large room with green carpet and a large picture window which let the light in, and television tuned to PBS, and my mother and I doing cat, cow, and dog poses.
After yoga I did 35 minutes on the elliptical and burned over 300 calories. Wish I could take a sabbatical from my ER job and do this every day. But bills have to be paid and children have to be fed and clothed, so I'll squeeze it in when I can.
Namaste
Yoga was great this morning, I really like yoga. It feels like a luxury. My first memories of exercising on purpose were getting down on the floor in front of the television with my mother and watching the lady with the waist-length braid and a large yellow cardboard sun behind her demonstrate "cat" "dog" and various other poses.
I was probably 4 or 5 years old. I remember my sister being born when I was 5, but I do not remember much about her being pregnant. What a forward-thinking 40 year old mother of eight she was to be doing yoga with her preschoolers on the living room floor in 1976!
I guess that's why yoga feels so much like a luxury. I reminds me of a large room with green carpet and a large picture window which let the light in, and television tuned to PBS, and my mother and I doing cat, cow, and dog poses.
After yoga I did 35 minutes on the elliptical and burned over 300 calories. Wish I could take a sabbatical from my ER job and do this every day. But bills have to be paid and children have to be fed and clothed, so I'll squeeze it in when I can.
Namaste
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Week One: Day Four
Thursday and Friday were work days, twelve hour shifts in the ER. Thursday was ok because the other dieters were working. So less extra food had been stashed in the break area. Friday however was a different story. The eaters were there. They funny thing is that each day I worked with someone who had had a gastric procedure. Thursday a clerk who has had a gastric banding. She only watches carbohydrates. She brought liverwurst to share (and I will never, ever eat liverwurst). She also brought summer sausage which she sliced up to share.
Friday’s nurse has had a gastric bypass, she has gone from huge to tiny yet eats constantly, in large amounts. The overlapping shift were the real saboteurs however. First, My own sister shows up with a huge sack of Bugles, a jar of malted milk balls and peanut butter with celery. Then someone remembers that this is the last day for one of our coworkers and sends out for a cake! Help! How can anyone eat less in this atmosphere of indulgence!
I went to lunch with our clerk, a big girl herself, and she suggested going back for the brownies in the cafeteria. I said, “But I’m on a diet.” She replied, “Yeah right, a see-food diet just like I am. ” (Maybe she’s right.) I have, however tried to keep track of everything, and I mean everything I have eaten. Mom thinks I should weigh myself daily. I refuse. I will only record my weight once a week on Wednesdays. That gives me four more days to lose this first stubborn pound. Wish me luck!
Friday’s nurse has had a gastric bypass, she has gone from huge to tiny yet eats constantly, in large amounts. The overlapping shift were the real saboteurs however. First, My own sister shows up with a huge sack of Bugles, a jar of malted milk balls and peanut butter with celery. Then someone remembers that this is the last day for one of our coworkers and sends out for a cake! Help! How can anyone eat less in this atmosphere of indulgence!
I went to lunch with our clerk, a big girl herself, and she suggested going back for the brownies in the cafeteria. I said, “But I’m on a diet.” She replied, “Yeah right, a see-food diet just like I am. ” (Maybe she’s right.) I have, however tried to keep track of everything, and I mean everything I have eaten. Mom thinks I should weigh myself daily. I refuse. I will only record my weight once a week on Wednesdays. That gives me four more days to lose this first stubborn pound. Wish me luck!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
